Justin (thashowboy) wrote,
Justin
thashowboy

Dear horrible band from Pittsburgh that I saw tonite....

Hi, I hope you're doing well, odds are, we'll never meet again, so heres a few tips:

1) Do not have laminated "all access" passes with your band logo on them. What that tells me is that:
A) You are all poseurs, lets face it you're not famous enough to actually need "all access" passes, i mean seriously are you keeping the groupies away during your tri-state tour.
B)Your parents bought you the equipment your playing. If you knew how much those 5150 cost, you wouldn't have wasted the scrilla for laminated "all access passes".
C)You're spoiled fucking brats and have not worked for anything in your life.
And finally....
D) You are stupid enough to think those will make you abortion of a band seem more legit, when really it makes you look like a bunch of ego inflated douche-bags. Which you are.

Yeah oddly enough all that from a simple laminated pass.

2) Do not jump on the stage at the same time. It looks faked and rehearsed, most likely because it is faked and rehearsed. I'm assuming it has been rehearsed many times, in your parents basement. Please take this to heart and take the time you would practice jumping to learn how to play your instruments.

3) Despite the claims of your drummer t-shirt, there is no proof that Jason Vorhees was straight edge. Jason killed indiscriminately, not just drug users. Shirts like that make drinkers want vodka, but the bar most likely will be out, so they'll have to settle for Southern Comfort and Coke, which will be 8.00 and piss them off for having to drink just to get through your horrible set.

4) DO NOT and I can not stress this enough, do not invite the audience to do the following: move up, move around, have some fun, mosh, or any combination of said phrases. If your band wasn't horrible, the audience would have be interested in you and actually shown interest and participated. Its not that kids are shy or afraid, it's just well.. You have given them nothing to be excited about and should die on your way home.

However while you did have a stereotypical black drummer, thank you for not being lazy enough to play a toughened up version of some rap song. Because in all honesty, you would have had to do die for such a grievance.
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